Before Shabnim Ismail decided to reverse her international retirement she asked herself three questions: does the team really need her? Would she be unfairly taking someone else's spot? And did she still want to play for South Africa? She thinks the answer to the first is no, to the second, maybe, but she knew the third was a definite yes.
"After the WPL, I took a month off, just to reflect, and there was some talk that Mandla [Mashimbyi, South Africa Women's head coach] wanted me back. From there, I realised, I actually do miss cricket, and I do want to come back and play, and obviously help the family get over the line, if I can put it that way," Ismail told cricinfo at the T20 World Cup.
It's important that she used the word "family", because that was the reason she walked away more than three years ago. Then, Ismail said the combination of international cricket and mushrooming leagues took away the opportunity to be with her ageing parents, Now, she still talks about the importance of spending time with them but also revealed how her mom, dad, sister and partner encouraged her to go back to playing at the highest level with her other family. "My family would ask me, 'You're still fit, you're still playing your A game, you're still one of the quickest in the world, why do you not want to come back?'"
It makes sense then that after Mashimbyi approached Ismail with an offer to return, Ismail went to the head of the house, so to speak, to sound her out. "I went to one of the nets at Wanderers, and I asked Wolfie [Laura Wolvaardt], 'How would you feel if I had to make the decision to come back?' And it was nice to get the captain's opinion," Ismail said. "She actually gave me that verification that we do need some pace back in our line-up."
In that case, fast-forward a few weeks and Ismail should be pleased to hear that she has delivered the tournament's fastest ball but at 122kph, but she isn't. "I heard that. I still feel it's very slow for my potential and the speeds I know I can produce."
But she is willing to talk about the delivery, because its the one that dismissed Shafali Verma and put the brakes on India in what was a virtual quarter-final. Shafali was motoring along on 31 off 14 balls and India were 54 for 1 in the powerplay when Ismail banged in a fierce bouncer. Shafali veered out of the way and fell over. Amidst the ooohs and aaahs, South Africa reviewed for caught behind. Who suspected there was a shave of glove on the ball?
"I knew she's always vulnerable to the bouncer, but, to be honest, I didn't hear anything," Ismail laughs. "And I'm not going to appeal for something if I don't really know. As I was walking back, Taz [Tazmin Brits] screamed to me that she heard something. Sinalo [Jafta] and Nadine [de Klerk] also said so. Wolfie looked at me and was wondering. 'Do I go up? Do I not go up? I said, 'Just go, let's see'. And then Wolfie reviewed and it was a wicket. We were so happy. She was flying at that stage so we needed that breakthrough."
Ismail's role in that match was overshadowed by Marizanne Kapp's heroics with the bat as she scored an unbeaten 81 not out to take South Africa to victory. Kapp is also South Africa's joint leading bowler of the tournament, along with Ayabonga Khaka, which may be why Ismail still "feels that that they don't need me", but understands South Africa want her to enhance an already strong combination.
"Aya's a great death bowler. Nadine can bowl in all three phases of the game. We know Kappie's a phenomenal opening bowler. She's always going to strike fast, which is really nice," Ismail said. "But also, when I came here, I said to Tumi [Sekhukhune], 'I'm back now. I really want to take the new ball.' Because Tumi opened the bowling. She has been bowling really well. For us, it's about the team first and not actually the person."
Though Ismail has kept Sekhukhune out of the side, South Africa have been more successful in the first six overs with Ismail than without. In this tournament, South Africa have taken ten wickets in the powerplay in five matches (Kapp, six; Ismail, three; Khaka, one), which is an average of two per game and an improvement on how they were performing when Ismail was retired. In the time she was out of the game, they took 61 wickets in 47 innings, 1.3 per game.
While most of it is down to Kapp, Ismail plays a role in creating pressure, and she was not ready to come back until she was sure she could do that, especially since she was not picked at the Hundred auction. "It was disappointing because it was my first time not getting chosen in the big leagues but there was always cricket. I'm still working throughout. I'm keeping fit, I'm consistent, I'm still bowling, I'm doing all the right things behind the scenes."
"When coach Mandla asked me if I wanted to play for the Proteas, the big discussion was whether I wanted to come back and play the India series [in April]. [But] I told him I need to make sure I'm physically and mentally fit enough to come into a space like this. After the India series, I called him and said you can call me whenever you want, I know mentally I'm strong enough, physically I'm fit enough, and skills-wise, I'm back on my A game, which was really nice."
There was also the draw of being able to play a part in winning a big one. "I feel like I've left a stone unturned," she said of not winning a World Cup.
Now, she has the opportunity to come and turn that stone, so to speak. It was Ismail who bowled South Africa to their first World Cup final, against England in 2023. She took 3 for 27 in a fiery display in front of an adoring home crowd. Now, the positions are reversed but the expectations may be the same. South Africa will play England at The Oval and with the hosts on an unbeaten run, the smart money is on them to advance to the final. South Africa know that but also that "we haven't played our best cricket yet", and with their history of reaching finals, they are backing themselves to get to another one.
Still, Ismail has not been part of the last two campaigns and there must be some anxiety given how much rests on her shoulders. "I've played 19 years of international cricket. Next year is going to be 20 years. There's always going to be nerves. But there's a difference between good nerves and nerves that are going to make you go into your shell when you walk out there. I've learned to overcome those things. The way I play my cricket is more mental than skill, so I feel if you're mentally strong enough to cross that rope and do special things for your country, that's always a win for us."
That she is already speaking about next year suggests Ismail is going to continue after this tournament, though she is not ready to confirm it. "Let's just take one tour at a time and see how it goes," she said. "I feel like after this tour, I'm probably going to go on heart tablets because it's so stressful. But it's fun being back. I feel like I can still be myself. The girls respect and understand me. They welcomed me with open arms and that's one thing I really enjoy about the Proteas."
She also enjoys the changing dressing-room environment. Ismail left as South Africa were becoming a force in the global game and returned after two coaching and captaincy changes, and believes the team are moving in the right direction. "There are more positive talks within our changing room. In the past, we never really had that. And Wolfie is a very calm and collected person. You never see her stress. Kappie and I are two fiery bowlers. It's not easy to captain the two of us. It's nice for a captain to have a calm head instead of us just blowing up. She's taken the team to two finals now. And I'm hoping this time it can be the point of difference where we actually cross that line."
Even though there is still a match, or two, to be played and South Africa know better than anyone not to start picturing what hasn't happened for them yet, for a moment, Ismail allowed herself to dream. "If it happens, it would mean the world to me but I don't want to think too far ahead. I just really believe that we have the skill and the mentality to actually take it all the way."