Imagine if the cult movie Groundhog Day wasn't a cute little rom-com about a disillusioned TV weatherman, but a horror movie about a football team involved in a metaphorical slowly unfolding car crash repeated on a weekly basis?
That's what Carlton's 2026 season has become. And right now, Blues fans must feel like Michael Voss and his team have even less hope of busting out of the time warp Bill Murray's character in Punxsutawney was eventually able to.
You can slice and dice these now five losses (and one success achieved in a similar stumble over the finish line), like finding some upside in the Blues' ability to fight back late against Adelaide last week, then again on Thursday night against Collingwood after leads had already been surrendered and the situation appeared lost.
But there's always that ugly bottom line of 1-5. And the knowledge that in three of the past four defeats, certainly against Melbourne, North Melbourne and now the Pies, catastrophic disappearing acts have turned what should have been near match-winning leads to humiliating defeats.
Really, this one was lost in just a seven-minute burst at the start of the final term, when Collingwood champion Nick Daicos turned briefly into some sort of completely unstoppable superhero as the Pies won seven clearances in a row and booted four goals from them.
Daicos kicked one himself, had a hand in three of the next four goals, and finished the term with four clearances, four inside 50s, five score involvements, and 13 of his eventual 39 disposals. He changed his approach to stoppages, however marginally, so his touches came more through the corridor and more on the fly.
Voss insisted after the game that Carlton was ready and planned for a Daicosian finale. But as the damage bill mounted, it became more apparent that Ollie Hollands was not going to be able to thwart the superstar inside the forward 50.
So did it become clear after the game that Collingwood, quite rightly given Carlton's history this season, absolutely fancied its chances of coming out on top even when it trailed by 18 points at three-quarter time.
"We were questioning whether they could do it for four quarters," said Magpie coach Craig McRae. "That's the evidence they've put in front of everyone, so we wanted to play it out."
Which gives you some idea of the bind in which the Blues are now, regardless of them actually fighting back this time to almost pinch at least a draw.
Just like some teams are said to "never be beaten", Carlton's lot in 2026 seems destined to be "never home and hosed". That's a significant crutch for all their opponents, and another significant psychological handicap (like they needed one) for the Blues.
So another disaster for the Blues, and no doubt another round of discussion about what must happen as a result. But sorry Carlton fans, again, I just don't think the answers are all as simple as it's about the man in the coaching box. More importantly, the people running the club clearly don't, either.
Take the choice of opponent for Daicos in the crunch on Thursday night, for example. Is that a coaching issue? Of course. And damaging.
But are the repeated disappearances of Carlton's on-field generals when leadership is most required, also simply a coaching issue? I don't think Voss should be wearing that one.
Patrick Cripps, Sam Walsh, Adam Cerra surely have to be answerable to why they've failed to turn the tide so consistently as very senior, experienced players. At some point, the players have to own their part in this.
Three times in the past month, Carlton has been in commanding positions and failed to seal the deal. That isn't about magnets or Voss's messaging. That's about composure, decision-making, and the capacity to stand up when the game turns. And those moments belong to the players as much as anyone in the coach's box.
The other obvious complication in the "what happens to Carlton now?" narrative is the recent actions of club chairman Rob Priestly and chief executive Graham Wright in broadcasting widely what is effectively a plan of attack for this season at least.
Carlton has told the world repeatedly now of its resistance to the "easy fix", the sort of knee-jerk reaction which has so often defined this club's past. It has been a deliberate attempt to project stability. To say that this time, Carlton won't blink.
So to walk that back now, barely weeks after those declarations, wouldn't just be a football decision. It would be an admission the club doesn't really believe its own messaging. And a damaging look indeed.
None of which, of course, makes the current situation any easier to swallow. Because what Carlton is producing right now isn't just a run of losses. It's a very clear pattern. One which is becoming more entrenched by the week.
Breaking that pattern is something about more than a change of voice, or even a structural tweak or two, or selection statement. It's breaking a cycle which now exists as much in the players' heads as it does on the field.
Until Carlton proves it can do that - until the Blues show they can hold their nerve when the game turns, something which surely now sits as much with the players as anyone - Groundhog Day will keep playing out, that happy ending as elusive as ever.
*You can read more of Rohan Connolly's work at FOOTYOLOGY