When my editor asked me to write this piece, it had been two full days since news of the allegations of sexual assault against members of the Sydney Swans hit the press. The immediate thought of writing this was an overwhelming, exhausting concept.
Overwhelming because there is so much to say, yet nothing left to at the same time. Exhausting because the immediate reaction of the community hasn't been to rally around the alleged victim, but what it means for the men involved, and their football side's chances in finals.
When will it end? Where are the men in these conversations? Is the woman at the centre of the allegations getting the support she needs? What about the partners of the men alleged to have been involved, having to grapple with what may or may not have happened while their partner was meant to be interstate, working?
Even when the media have dealt with the issue in a sensitive way, why are the men turning to women and asking them to explain, from their perspective, why they're upset? Why is it our job to explain why objectively harmful behaviour ... harms us?
The truth is, that for myself, as a woman in the AFL industry, and no doubt many others, I've hardly slept, I've felt sick, and have been left with an anger that has nowhere to go, and I'm not even the woman who is at the centre of all of this.
Truthfully, when women say "we are tired" in relation to the violence against women epidemic, we mean physically, emotionally, and mentally spent. The hopelessness of feeling like you live in a place where you're yelling into an abyss and nobody is listening is taxing on women in a way that nobody else can understand.
I remember feeling the same in December when Tom Silvagni, of a widely-lauded AFL family, was sentenced to six years and two months' jail, found guilty by a County Court jury of two counts of rape.
Please spare a thought for the Swans' AFLW squad who had to go to work on Monday, be harassed by press and sit in crisis meetings with the leaders of the club; to address behaviour they had no part in.
In fact, in a work sense, they were doing the exact same thing as the men's side, having played an away game in another state. Their first game of the season at Unley Oval on Sunday afternoon, after which they went home. The comparison is stark.
They will play the club's first ever double header alongside the men's team at the SCG this weekend, which will now pale in significance comparatively. Swans fans, I implore you to show your support for the women of the club this weekend.
Now, let's consider two things:
The first is that the Sydney Swans lift the premiership cup on the last weekend in September. If the Swans become premiers in 2026, the enduring message will be clear: the institution can still achieve -- and revel in -- its ultimate sporting success while something this serious has happened. It'll be a disastrous look, regardless of the level of football played.
The second is to think about the woman at the centre of these allegations, should that happen. According to Our Watch, she is representative of two in five Australian women.
I wish to share a story with you, not to make it about myself, but to highlight the rampant and insidious misogyny women deal with every day.
Two years ago, after attending a football match at Marvel Stadium socially, I went across the road to the pub with a group. A man came up behind me and grabbed me, unsolicited and in front of my group. When I turned around and asked him what he was doing, he looked shocked.
When the men around me questioned him, they got an answer that I did not. "I didn't know she was with you."
His regret lay in being caught. He apologised to the men.
I am fine, and when speaking to female friends in days after, every single one has a similar story.
This is not on the alleged level we are dealing with today, but the crux of the issue is the same. If we allow small acts of misogyny through the cracks, eventually the entire vase shatters.
Why do men feel they can exploit women when they think they can get away with it, instead of addressing the underlying mentality that we are equally deserving of respect, consent and our own human agency just like them? How are we in a place where I'm even having to write that?
Our Watch says two in five women (39%) have experienced violence since the age of 15. According to the Australian government, men are eight times more likely to have perpetrated sexual violence against an intimate partner, including 28 times more likely to have used fear to coerce a partner into having sex.
They are also five times more likely to have perpetrated physical violence against an intimate partner, including seventeen times more likely to have hit a partner with a fist or something else that could hurt them.
Add in an exorbitant pay packet and somewhat of a 'god complex' that has surrounded male football players going back decades, and it is a recipe for disaster.
The message needs to be crystal clear, because it is not getting through. Not only are you not exempt from the law, but you are also admired in the community, and you have essentially told 50% of that community that they are not worthy of your respect.
In a football context, this is important.
We have allowed the game to exist in a silo, where men dominate and women come second. Each broadcast has women now, but certainly not more women than men, the AFLW is still regularly criticised for its perceived lack of skill, talent, and growth, despite having been given a fraction of the time, investment and infrastructure afforded to the men's competition. Don't get me started on the comments I receive every day about how "great it is that women are involved now."
We have spent the week asking women how they feel. It's time we started asking the men in the room what they are going to do about it.